that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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