We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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