Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Less talking, more tequila
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
