your parents love me but you hate me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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