You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think my vagina is haunted
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
