Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
