Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
