There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
