The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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