I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
