i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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