Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
