I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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