for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
