OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
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If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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