I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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