There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
