What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
