just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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