I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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