How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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