I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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