I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
