party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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