shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
