I'm jealous of your bromance
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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