: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
