did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
