so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize