I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
