I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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