Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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