He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
