I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
