look no pants
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You pole danced in your parka.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
