The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
