We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
