That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
