Umm I'm too high to move.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
