Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
