u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
