how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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