My brain says no but my pants say off.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
