so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
