Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
