Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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