If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
