Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
