Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
