...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
