If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
