oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
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