we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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