He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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