ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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