I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
