A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
FUCK WHALES
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