at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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