You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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