is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
