You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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