i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
