if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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