In the future we'll all be gay
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
