hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
